|a wolf's silent scream|
, but.... I just need to or I feel like ima scream and go insane , and I know for those who do listen to me and do care for me in every way & love me just don't understand why I'm acting like this, & to be honest I don't either I don't know what's wrong with me , I just feel .."Different " "Isolated" "strange "...
, and I probably am, everyone is in a good way c: , but in this context those terms are not the most welcoming...I dread to come home, I hate my home life, I actually feel happier at school even though I hate the work, and its not this rebellious streak in me either, when anti-depressant are not working for you, along with medical conditions you just automatically feel different... then you find yourself sitting in your room on a Sunday night at 8:13 P.m. just wanting someone to comfort you......I know other people have it worse then me, I'm not saying i'm the most miserable child in the world, but I just feel pretty damn close to it though. I don't judge, or hate. It's just some peoples decisions I disagree with, everyone should treat each other with respect , because were all that each other has, is each other. I was that "strange kid" that got bullied all the time growing up because I wasn't like the other children & I'm still not, nor would I want to be? I'm not afraid to be "myself" as they say, but I am afraid to speak my mind sometimes ... you just wonder why you go through so much, I believe everything happens for a reason; even I question some things though. What good comes from your dad getting cancer? what amazing thing comes out of someone having heart problems? .. & so far I really don't know what wonderful thing comes out of this..but things happen for a reason.
I feel like im falling down a endless vortex and nothing can catch me or save me but the very wings that are missing to lift my body have been stripped from my back and have been destroyed ,and when you keep trying to wake up in the ever ending struggle and blink repeatedly to tell yourself this is only a dream and that its all a lie are in fact true and the rush to grab ahold of something overwhelms your body and you keep falling faster and faster and nothing , nothing can stop you. that is what I feel.
I love everyone in my life & they all make me happy , & I am happy to be alive. Its just I'm having some hardships in my life that will soon pass and I just need those people around me to help me...crying and screaming doesn't do any good, but it does release even the toughest pain to bare. When your eyes are swollen with tears and one after another they role down your cheeks that person that means the most to you, tries to help you up and bring you into a hug and then at that moment and time; that hug is the best thing anyone can give you in your life, their comfort is what slowly puts you back together and reassures yourself that you'll be alright. That emotion is hard to have when your by yourself..